8/23/16 – Keepers Due Next Week!!!

Bozo of the week


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Third Runner Up:


Come on, man… this ISN’T Jackass the movie.
Making the Boston area look nationwide just how the nation thinks of the Boston Area already…


Second Runner Up:


Todd Marinovich is why Stage Parenting an awful, terrible, no good, very BAD idea.


First Runner Up:


Come on… do I even have to say it? Swimmer for #Murica, Ryan Lochte is used to getting the silver, but this time it’s in shame.
He thought his story of getting robbed at a gas station in Rio would fly because:
Murica 4.jpgMurica.jpg
Murica 7.jpgMurica 1.gif


Listen, the most embarrassing thing about the whole Ryan Lochte research is that I learned that he went to my school (U of Florida) and actually GRADUATED from there. Nothing like cheapening the worth of that diploma, eh?


You were in Brazil, you went out with your boys, you got hammered, you may or may not have had a romantic spell with party goers, someone needed to relieve themselves after the party on the way home, you were still drunk and broke a door. No one… NO ONE is going to think that’s a big deal if you explained it that way.
Jules.jpg


BUT, saying you went all ‘Jules Winnfield’ and were like ‘whatever’ when a guy put a gun to your forehead set off everyone’s BS detector. Now, you embarrassed US Swimming, the USOC, the Olympics, Rio police, NBC, the Today Show, and all of your sponsors… who are now dropping you like a bad habit.


And he WOULD have won this week, except for the fact that his crime was of stupidity and only really ended up hurting himself. HOWEVA… he didn’t even do the worst thing in the swimming world this week…


Winner:


David Becker


I guess sexual assault of unconscious women by a swimmer isn’t just for Stanford attendees anymore…


The EAST LONGMEADOW swimmer had his case continued for 2 years with no findings, but put on probation for that time. The story from MassLive.com reads like a horror story if you’re a parent of a girl. I don’t know what exactly is going to have to happen to make lawmakers and judges start taking this crime seriously. Maybe one of their children will have to be subjected to this horrible offense. His lawyer’s statement is terrible, the judge’s decision incomprehensible.



This… THIS is the world we live in?


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In the College Game:


Your NCAA Football rankings are out. Alabama and Clemson are #1 and #2. The biggest surprise? Um, Tennessee is somehow #9 or 10 (depending on AP v Coaches).
Since 2008, here is what they’ve done: 5-7, 7-6, 6-7, 5-7, 5-7, 5-7, 7-6, 9-4. That’s not too great except for last year. Remember, they also play in the SEC, which means they usually have 7 or 8 home games AND they play 2 games against teams like UAB, Wyoming, Ohio, Western Kentucky, Tennessee-Martin, Montana, Buffalo, Middle Tennessee State, Akron, Troy, South Alabama, Utah State, Arkansas State, UT Chattanooga, Western Carolina and North Texas. Do you know how BAD you have to be to accumulate those records with all of those advantages built in?


Soccer Haircut of the week:


Arturo Vidal (Midfield for Bayern Munich & 2 time Copa America winners – Chile)
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9 Vidal.jpg


You may ask what the hell he’s doing, but he’s got something for you:


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The Summer of Gronk


He’s missed 3 straight practices…


With not a ton going on in Gronk-world, we will instead talk about something completely different!


Well, this happened 15 years ago!
Milk-O-Mania is running wild! The Million Dollar Princess has become the Dairy Queen!!!


Around the League:


Suspensions/Injuries:
(# = number of games, SAP = Substance Abuse Policy, PED = PED Policy, BS = BullShit)



All injuries will be listed in the link above… I’m not putting anything else on here unless it’s major… Like Tom Brady slicing his thumb with a pair of scissors while trying to remove something off of his cleat.


Dez Bryant (WR, Dal) Concussion – Should be out for rest of preseason
Jared Goff (QB, LA) Sore shoulder, should be OK
Carson Wentz (QB, Phi) Hairline fracture of ribs, out 4+ weeks
Malcolm Mitchell (WR, NE) dislocated elbow, out 4 weeks
Bennie Fowler (WR, Den) fractured elbow, out 4 weeks
IK Enemkpali (DL, Buf) Torn ACL, out for season
Reggie Ragland (LB, Buf) Torn ACL, out for season
Shaq Lawson (DE, Buf) Shoulder surgery, On PUP List, out until October.
Sammy Watkins (WR, Buf) recovering from May broken foot.
Julian Edelman (WR, NE) Left practice with an apparent injury to his surgically repaired left foot.
Rob Ninkovich (LB/DE, NE) Left practice and training staffs were looking at his triceps.
Jordan Matthews (WR, Phi) has a left knee bone bruise.
Zach Ertz (TE, Phi) Was evaluated for a concussion and cleared by team doctors.
Hroniss Grasu (C, Chi) The starting center has a torn ACL in his right knee and is out for year.
Lance Moore (WR, FA) Announced his retirement after a 10 year career.
Eric Ebron (TE, Det) Was carted off of the field with what is being described as an Achilles injury.
Eric Rogers (WR, SF) Torn ACL, out for season
Jay Ajayi (RB, Mia) Day to Day, knee bruise.
DeVante Parker (WR, Mia) missed 3 practices with a Hamstring strain.
Chris Hogan (WR, NE) Minor shoulder injury, practicing with non-contact jersey.
Ezekiel Elliott (RB, Dal) Hamstring injury, day to day.


8/2
Kellen Moore, backup to Fat Tony Romo, broke his right ankle in practice when it got rolled on at the line of scrimmage. Broken bones are normally a 4-6 week proposition, but I’m thinking closer to 6-8
Le’Veon Bell (RB, Pit) – 4, SAP
Josh Gordon (WR, Cle) – 4, SAP
Tom Brady (QB, NE)  – 4, BS
Martavis Bryant(WR, Pit) 16, SAP                    
Johnny Manziel (QB, FA) 4, SAP  
Karlos Williams (RB, Buf) 4, SAP                      
Marcel Reece (RB, Oak) 3, PED
Nick Boyle (TE, Bal) 10, PED                           
Tim Wright (TE, Det) 16, torn ACL.
Stedman Bailey (WR/KR, LA) reserve/non-football injury list – shot in head
Silas Redd Jr. (RB, Wash) suspended indefinitely, SA


Other News:


The LOS ANGELES Rams have a defensive lineman, William Hayes, who has some interesting theories on the world… namely, he believes that dinosaurs never existed and that mermaids DO… and he got some PROOF of the latter when Ariel showed up to practice on Monday!!!


KEEPERS DUE:


Your 2 keepers are due by NEXT week: 8/31 !!!


The Great Roster Freeze:


If you’d like to see everyone’s roster, please CLICK HERE. You can also see the history of the league’s statistics fully updated.


Draft Order


The season begins Thursday 9/8 (just 2 weeks), so I will be looking to schedule something on Wed 9/7 at Hooters in West Springfield. I will let all of you know when there is something solid for draft night.


7/28


Well, lookie here:


This does not mean that the time can’t be moved, it just means that we have our traditional date of the night before the beginning of the season as our draft night confirmed. If anyone can’t make it, I will try to move it to accommodate everyone.


If this date holds, your TWO keepers are due on 8/31. Cross your fingers for no injuries or substance abuse suspensions or domestic violence suspensions or football inflation related suspensions.


Here is your draft order for the 2016 season:
1)   Jodie
2)   Marc
3)   Doug
4)   Brian
5)   Kim
6)   Greg
7)   Chris
8)   Ed
9)   Norm
10) Dave
11) Mike
12) Dan


Dennis Green Memorial Patch


Good Luck to All!!!


Like a Boss Pinocchio.gif

The Commish

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