Training Camp News, Injuries, Dating news… what?

 Bozo of the week 

 

First Runner-Up:
Draymond Green

You’re on Team USA. The Olympics start this week on Friday. You’re on a 73-win regular season team who was 2 minutes from back-to-back  NBA Championships. Sounds like the world should be your oyster.
Well, there was that thing you did where you kicked Steven Adams in the junk
and then you did it again… and got yourself one flagrant foul point from a suspension…
And then your team was about to go up 3 games to 1 when LeBron baited you into doing something stupid by walking over you, which you did, of course. You smacked LeBron in the man-zone when he was walking over you and you got suspended for game 5, which swung the momentum of the series. You didn’t think that would be a problem, however, in that you hung out in a sky box at an Oakland A’s game with Marshawn Lynch during that game and said you’d head over there just as soon as the Warriors won game 5. Your team became the first to lose the Finals when up 3-1.
THAT should have ‘made you humble’ as the Iron Sheik would say. You handled the game 7 loss much better than poor, injured Steph Curry and Klay Thompson.
However, about a week and a half after that, Kevin Durant chose to join your team and leave Oklahoma City. Many pundits are saying that the NBA title is gift wrapped for next year and there’s no way you can lose. You’re on Team USA and put up 60 and 50 point wins against China in warm up games. You’re one of 12 people representing your country…
and THEN you post a picture of ‘Little Draymond’ on Snapchat. Why, no, that ISN’T a take off on the 1990’s ‘Lil Penny Nike commercials.

 

You claim that you were hacked, then retract that claim. Somehow, after that, you claim that this ‘incident’ will help propel him to the next level as a basketball player. You’ve even got your USA Basketball teammate: Boogie Bleepin’ Cousins making fun of you! Young fella, what the hell is wrong with you?!?!

 

 

That SHOULD have been enough to wrap up the win, but NOPE…
This week’s Bozo is… for a second straight week…
The RIO OLYMPIC ORGANIZERS!!!
When we last left our hapless bunch, only 12 of the 31 athlete village high-rise apartments passed safety inspection only 2 weeks before the games. Since then, we’ve had:
2) The Australian delegation, whose complaints were handled so delicately previously, found that they were robbed during a fire evacuation in those same village apartments.
3) I mean.. LOOK at this NONSENSE! Imagine your worst hotel/motel experience… now multiply that by 50.

 

 

 

4) NBC has asked the Olympic organizers to reorder the ‘Parade of Nations’ during the Olympic opening ceremony because in English, the United States comes near the end and holds better ratings, however in Portuguese (official language of Brazil), it’s Estados Unidos. Disaster for NBC and ratings after the US comes in to the world famous Maracanã stadium. Wait, NBC’s not showing the Parade live, even though Rio is only 1 hour ahead of NY? If that’s so, why the hell doesn’t NBC just edit the damn tape?
5) Strong winds destroyed the main ramp at the sailing venue. Sounds like that construction is built to last!

 

6) Health experts are telling anyone who will listen that if you are competing in the bay, DON’T PUT YOUR HEAD UNDERWATER!!! This could be an issue for marathon swimmers or anyone in the triathlon. This, of course, is due to their massive open sewage issue in Rio. The government said they would clean it up, but that hasn’t happened. 30% of the sewage is open in Rio and it’s flowing straight into the bay. Virus levels in the water are only 1.7 MILLION times what would be considered worrisome in the US.
7) Also, don’t get sick, because the hospitals don’t have any rooms… or supplies… Many people are lined up in the halls, laying on beds… THAT is their room.

 

…but HEY… at least the IOC is taking whatever profits it wants from the games, is running largely unchecked in its power and the Olympic torch is damn near indestructible, so we’ve got THAT going for us, right?
This… THIS is the world we live in?

Dylan
In the College Game:

No more National Championship semi-finals on New Year’s Eve… But not until the 2017-2018 season. That means one more year where you have to try to check what the score is while attending your New Year’s party.
Soccer Haircut of the week: 

Paul Pogba – Midfield – Juventus/Manchester United/France
With Mohawks and Leopards and Poke-balls, oh, my!!

 

The Summer of Gronk

He’s having fun in camp, calling his pairing with new TE Martellus Bennett ‘Ebony and Ivory’ AND ‘Ken and Ryu (Street Fighter II video game reference)

Around the League:

Suspensions/Injuries: 
(# = number of games, SAP = Substance Abuse Policy, PED = PED Policy, BS = BullShit)
 8/1
Jodie, this one’s for you. The Rams haven’t heard from ‘Tre Mason in MONTHS. He didn’t report to training camp, they don’t know where he is or where to find him. He’s also had FIVE incidents with police in the last 4 months. That’s tough to be a keeper with that resume.
 7/26
Le’Veon Bell (RB, Pit) – 4, SAP
Josh Gordon (WR, Cle) – 4, SAP
 7/15
Tom Brady (QB, NE)  – 4, BS
Martavis Bryant(WR, Pit) 16, SAP                    Johnny Manziel (QB, FA) 4, SAP  
Karlos Williams (RB, Buf) 4, SAP                      Marcel Reece (RB, Oak) 3, PED
Nick Boyle (TE, Bal) 10, PED                           Tim Wright (TE, Det) 16, torn ACL.
Stedman Bailey (WR/KR, LA) reserve/non-football injury list – shot in head
Silas Redd Jr. (RB, Wash) suspended indefinitely, SA
Other News:
 7/26
Julian Edelman – Wes Welker is calling him ‘Off Brand Tom Brady’ (I think Wes has a little bit of the ol’ Green Eyed Monster in him). Well, if I can be 2nd rate Tom, sign me up. I can’t marry Gisele Bundchen, damn it! Well, what about just dating her co-worker and Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima? I CAN?!?! WooooHooooo!!!!

 

 

 

 7/28
In his never-ending quest to ACTUALLY be Off Brand Tom Brady, Julian has now taken the next step, in that he got his previous girlfriend pregnant JUST before dating his present supermodel girlfriend. Now I’m not going to start telling Tom how to live his life… BUT I’m suggesting he doesn’t go on a boat while in Italy with Julian, if you know what I mean…
7/29
One smaht reporter asked one too many smaht ass questions about Tom Brady for Bill ‘Gun Show’ Belichick’s liking. He’s quite the fashion plate this camp. The question so irked Bill, that he invoked Tom’s name in vain, although I think it may have sounded like ‘Jesus Christ’, whoever THAT guy is…

 

Look out, ladies. He’s got two tickets to the gun show for you. 😉

 

If Bill Belichick is answering questions from the media, it must be time for a tradition like no other. Anyone can go to Pamplona, Spain, throw on a painter’s outfit with a red sash and jog with our fellow bovine bros, but it takes a special kind of person to survive the running of the Patriots fans!!
 8/1
Antonio Brown’s whip is better than your whip. Customized Rolls Royce FTW.

The Great Roster Freeze:

If you’d like to see everyone’s roster, please CLICK HERE. You can also see the history of the league’s statistics fully updated.
Draft Order
The season begins Thursday 9/8 (less than 2 months), so I will be looking to schedule something on Wed 9/7 at Hooters in West Springfield. I will let all of you know when there is something solid for draft night.
 7/28
Well, lookie here:
This does not mean that the time can’t be moved, it just means that we have our traditional date of the night before the beginning of the season as our draft night confirmed. If anyone can’t make it, I will try to move it to accommodate everyone.
If this date holds, your TWO keepers are due on 8/31. Cross your fingers for no injuries or substance abuse suspensions or domestic violence suspensions or football inflation related suspensions.
Here is your draft order for the 2016 season:
1)   Jodie
2)   Marc
3)   Doug
4)   Brian
5)   Kim
6)   Greg
7)   Chris
8)   Ed
9)   Norm
10) Dave
11) Mike
12) Dan
Dennis Green Memorial Patch

 

Good Luck to All!!!

McMahon Swag.gif

The Commish
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s