futbol, Futbol, FUTBOL!!!

Bozo of the week – Copa America:

Winner: The Argentinian FA
You may remember a little organization called FIFA. They are the governing body that reigns over all other country’s governing football (soccer) bodies. Think of it like each US state has their own government, but they then send separate, elected representatives to the Federal Government.
As you may have heard, they’ve had a spot of bother recently when it comes to corruption charges. There was a huge raid on their offices, 14 member indictments in the first round of indictments. After that happened, they held elections for a new president (scheduled). Sepp Blatter (incumbent) won re-election DESPITE everything swirling around them at the time and put on a show during the re-election speech in something you have to see to believe… The stones on THIS guy…

Then the head of FIFA and the president of UEFA (Europe) were arrested. All of this scandal led to one of the greatest pieces of video you’ll ever see:

Cash Rules Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M. Get the money, dolla dolla bills, y’all!
By all accounts, it is one of THE most corrupt organizations this planet has ever seen…
AND THEY looked at the Argentinian FA and said it was too corrupt and they had to intercede to save it!
Argentina is not just some fly-by-night country when it comes to Futbol… They are #1 in the World rankings

They have the best player in the world: Lionel Messi (46g 26a in 59 games – FC Barcelona)… who can do things like this.. and this… and this… and THIS.
It’s not just him, though, they have:
Gonzalo Higuain (42g in 42 – Napoli),
Sergio Aguero (35 in 54 – Man City) coming off of the bleeping bench,
Angel DiMaria (18g 22a in 59 – PSG),
Javier Mascherano-Barca,
Nicolas Otamendi-Man City,
Ezequiel Lavezzi-PSG,
Ramiro Funes Mori-Liverpool,
Pablo Zabaleta-Man City,
Marcos Rojo-Man United,
Ever Banega-Sevilla,
Erik Lamela-Tottenham Hotspur, & oh, yeah,
Paulo Dybala (21 g in 45 for Juventus)
Things are so screwed up in the Argentinian FA that Messi even bitched about it. Half of the time I think Messi’s mute! He doesn’t say anything. What do you have to do to drive HIM nuts?
This is an organization that can’t even elect a president properly. If you don’t want to read the article below, that’s fine. You’re missing out on more great stuff. There were 75 members that voted. They counted up the votes. There were 38 for the Challenger and 38 for the Incumbent. Wait, what?!? THAT, ladies and gentlemen adds up to 76. Just look at the exasperation when these jamokes realize what happened:

Euro 2016 was so screwed up because they tried to fit more teams than 16 in the tournament that the round-robin only got rid of 8 of the 24 teams. This means that 4 or 6 THIRD place group teams made the knockout stage. The knockout bracket got totally screwed up with: England, Italy, Germany, France, Spain, Slovakia, Ireland and Iceland on one side of the bracket while the other side had 2-3 good teams in Belgium, Wales and Portugal. Northern Ireland didn’t beat Wales despite Will Grigg being on fire and your defense being terrified:

So, we now have to live in a world where Cristiano Ronaldo has won a major international competition before Lionel Messi because Ronaldo’s teammates came through after he got injured 8 minutes into the final, while Messi’s teammates did their impression of Mama Cass eating a ham sammich in their last 3 finals.

Portugal played 7 matches. Their record in regulation: 1-0-6. 0-0-3 in group. Extra time win v. Croatia, PK shootout win v Poland, 2-0 over Wales in regular time. Extra time win over France.

When he wasn’t chucking a reporter’s microphone into a lovely French lake, he managed to act like a lunatic during the quarterfinal PK shootout with Poland and then, despite getting hurt in the final, continuing to be the main story through his ‘leadership.‘ Just when you thought this couldn’t get ANY nuttier, his crazy-ass sister (who wanted people that vandalized her brother’s bronze statue exiled to Syria) compared him and his suffering to… ‘CHRIST ON THE CROSS!!!’

Meanwhile, Argentina goes 5-0-1 in regulation in the whole tournament, outscores their opponents 18-2, but loses in a penalty shootout to defending Copa champions Chile.

This… THIS is the world we have to live in now?


In the College Game:

Baylor had a huge sexual assault scandal that cost Art Briles his job and SHOULD have cost Ken Starr and multiple other administrators THEIR jobs. It didn’t, though, because apparently they decided not to produce an investigative report on the findings specifically to protect the school from lawsuits… You read that right.

Mark Richt moves from HC of Georgia to HC of Miami (FL)
Kirby Smart goes from DC of Alabama to HC of Georgia

Deshaun Watson & Christian McCaffrey: Heisman contenders
Alabama… still pretty good. Michigan… on the rise.

Opening weekend looks insane!
9/2  Kansas State @ (11) Stanford
9/3 (3) Oklahoma @ (12) Houston
(6) LSU @ Wisconsin – In Lambeau Field!!!
(24) UCLA @ Texas A&M
(20) North Carolina @ (22) Georgia – Georgia Dome
(2) Alabama v (19) Southern California – AT&T stadium, Dallas
(1) Clemson @ Auburn
9/4 (9) Notre Dame @ Texas
9/5 (4) Florida State v (14) Ole Miss – Citrus Bowl, Orlando

The Summer of Gronk:

Gronk has been in full Gronk plumage this summer:
From doing the ‘Running Man Challenge’ with his brothers, to going on Jimmy Kimmel to explain if he was or wasn’t naked during his GQ photo shoot, to the 4th of July.

What does Gronk do for the 4th or July?

He DOESN’T do this, now does he… Swaggy P?

He does a Taco Party in Cali, followed by sharing a TBT (Throwback Thursday) picture of him in middle school, he has Waka Flocka Flame comparing himself to Gronk, and acts as a therapist for Margot Robbie during the ESPYs. After that, he takes his girlfriend, Camille Kostek, to the Nickelodeon Kids’ choice awards AND having a dance-off with Ciara.

Ciara, if you didn’t know is the freshly-minted Mrs. Russell Wilson. Russell famously wouldn’t have sex with Ciara before they were married, then went on social media and bragged (nsfw words in the link) about it. Classy.

Around the League:

  Tom Brady (QB, NE) is suspended for the first 4 games of the year and the Patriots were fined $1M and lost a 1st and 4th round pick for something that happened 500+ days ago even the NFL rules P 31, 8.13.A.4 states that the offending club be fined not in excess of $500.000.

  Martavis Bryant(WR, Pit) suspended 1 year for violating league substance abuse policy.

  Johnny Manziel (QB, FA) suspended 4 games for violating league substance abuse policy.
  Karlos Williams (RB, Buf) suspended 4 games for violating league substance abuse policy.

  Rolando McClain (ILB, Dal) suspended 10 games for second violation of league substance abuse policy.
  Sheldon Richardson (DE, NYJ) suspended 1 game for violating league personal conduct policy.

  Vontaze Burfict (ILB, Cin) suspended 3 games for repeatedly violating league policy on player-safety rules.

  Marcel Reece (RB, Oak) suspended 3 games for violating league PED Policy.

  Nick Boyle (TE, Bal) suspended 10 games for violating league PED policy.

  Tim Wright (TE, Det) out for season with torn ACL.
  Stedman Bailey (WR/KR, LA) reserve/non-football injury list – shot in head
  Silas Redd Jr. (RB, Wash) suspended indefinitely for violating substance abuse policy.
Other News:
JJ Watt is apparently dating Lindsey Vonn, who nurses JJ back to health from his many injuries by lots of ‘Massages in the groin area.’
Odell Beckham Jr. hung out with Bayern Munich football club for a while, got his own jersey and trained with them for a while… and apparently, he’s either a fan of Metallica or just likes their old-school shirt.
Roger Goodell took time out of his busy schedule of hiding under his desk to call Mark Wahlberg (executive producer) and complain about ‘Ballers’ on HBO.

The Great Roster Freeze:
If you’d like to see everyone’s roster, please CLICK HERE. You can also see the history of the league’s statistics fully updated.
Draft Order

The season begins Thursday 9/8 (less than 2 months), so I will be looking to schedule something on Wed 9/7 at Hooters in West Springfield. I will let all of you know when there is something solid for draft night.
Here is your draft order for the 2016 season:
1)      Jodie
2)      Marc
3)      Doug
4)      Brian
5)      Kim
6)      Greg
7)     Chris
8)      Ed

9)      Norm
10)  Dave
11)   Mike
12)  Dan

Good Luck to All!!!
The Commish

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